What do you expect?
This is a really good question to ask yourself from time to time, as our expectations create so much of our reality.
This goes in so many different directions and contexts in life…but let’s stay focused on the realm of work-life balance in teaching.
A big part of achieving a good work-life balance is adjusting your mindset and expectations of yourself. If you are setting an impossibly high bar for yourself that can only be achieved by constantly overworking, then guess what you’ll end up doing…?
BUT if you can adjust your expectations to a more realistic and HEALTHY level, then you will take pressure off yourself (and this is part of the “magic bullet” to NOT feeling guilty for setting boundaries or saying “no” to things!!)
In no particular order, here’s a brief run-down of how unrealistic expectations can run you down…
Don’t compare yourself to others.
I recently heard someone say that “comparison is the thief of all joy.” THIS IS SO TRUE! Comparing ourselves to others is not fair to either us or them–each of us has unique gifts and talents to give to the world, not to mention completely different life paths and experiences!
Because you truly never know what’s going on behind closed doors (metaphorically or literally), you really have no idea what another person’s internal struggles may be. That coworker you’re kind of jealous of? She may be dealing with a significant personal struggle you know nothing about. Here’s just one true story: several years ago, I worked with a teacher who seemed like she had “the perfect life,” while I was struggling in ways that seemed to go effortlessly for her. Once I got to know her a little better, I discovered that she was dealing with her husband’s drug addiction and life was far from perfect; she was far from happy. You truly never know.
Especially if you’re a new teacher. remember that everyone started out in your shoes. Give yourself credit for the hard work you are doing, and grace for yourself in recognition of the fact that you will make mistakes…just like everybody else. You are human. But you are a human who has something unique and special to offer your students and the world.
Don’t expect your students to be the same type of student that you were.
I had to learn this one!! As a student, I was always the conscientious high-achieving type. It was unthinkable to me to actually put my head down in front of the teacher and sleep during class, or to not care at all (at ALL!) whether I passed a class or not. I would have been devastated and mortified to have actually failed a class and have to go to summer school.
Well, if you’ve been teaching for more than 2 weeks…then you know that these types of students do exist, and plenty of them.
On the other hand, I have co-workers who are legitimately fantastic teachers who were once abysmal students–they were more the type that I just described. But in the end, we both turned out ok!
If you’re a Type-A like me, don’t add undue stress to your life by creating such high-end assignments that only the top portion of the class will even begin to engage with them (and then be disappointed when it’s a daily war to drag the rest along). Also, realize that the kids who are not intrinsically motivated are not bad kids–not even necessarily bad students–they just are not YOU; and that’s ok!
Find ways to relate to ALL kinds of students, even the ones who think very differently than you. Building those positive, trusting relationships will go a long way in coaxing those kids who may not do work for other teachers to actually perk up and engage in your class.
Every lesson doesn’t have to be a WOW
This was some really great advice given to my over-achieving, perfectionistic husband during his first year of teaching by his principal, who was observing him. He was absolutely wearing himself out (see this blog post for details on the near-impossible working conditions of that first year teaching…).
He is a creative, out-of-the-box thinking, get-things-done, go-big-or-go-home kind of person, and what he had to learn was that that part of his personality was impossible to display every.single.day in lessons. You’ve got to pace yourself. Teaching is a marathon, not a sprint!
You’re not perfect: don’t pretend to be.
Perfectionism seems to be such a common personality trait in SO many teachers I’ve met. Whether they seem to achieve it to a great degree, or whether they’re kind of a mess but inwardly long for perfection and beat themselves up for falling short, teachers are often high achievers. Some were good students, some weren’t; but all good teachers I’ve met want to do and be the best they can for their students. However…what students really need are REAL LIFE examples to follow–and perfection is not a reasonable target to ask anyone to hit.
Your students are often learning more from observing you than from listening to you (surprised?). They see how you treat them and others, how you react to stress, and how you react to failure. If we want to be good role models in this, students need to see how we handle it, for example, when a lesson flops or when a student asks a question we don’t know the answer to. Let them see you be human. You are not a walking encyclopedia (or search engine!) One of the best responses I ever learned from a colleague was: when a student asks you something you’re unsure of, respond with, “That’s a great question–I don’t know, but I’ll find out and then get back to you!” (and then, follow through!) Take the pressure off yourself.
Accept the fact that it will NEVER be actually “DONE.”
My husband is the type of person who needs to have all the chores DONE before he can truly “relax”…
I, on the other hand, tap out not when the chores are done, but when I’m DONE. Because in a house with 4 kids, the chores are never truly “DONE”!
Just like laundry and dishes…the work of a teacher never ends.
Even when the final report card is in, there’s still prep for next year. There’s required PD. There’s projects and lessons you want to tweak for next time. Now, don’t misunderstand me: I’m NOT saying you should continue to work straight through your summer break–I’m saying that if you recognize and accept the reality that the work is never done, then you can also recognize your need for intentional break time: where you make up your mind to relax and disengage from your job–even though all the work isn’t done. Here’s where intentionally scheduling white space on your calendar is a great strategy.
Get at the root
This is the first in a multi-part blog series on identifying the root causes of overwhelm; because while I think we’d agree that MANY teachers suffer from constant, chronic overwhelm, it’s also true that this is not a one-size-fits-all problem. There are so many different causes and reasons for it, unique to each person and even unique to different contexts and situations with the same person!
But we can’t begin to solve a problem unless we first know exactly what’s causing it, so we need to spend a little time digging out a diagnosis tailored to you.
Did you see yourself in any of these points above? Try to spend 1 week per bullet point focusing on improving just that one thing for a whole week. Then do it for a second week. When it really becomes automatic, try adding another adjustment point. The progress may be slow, but it’s better than fast progress that doesn’t stick, or throwing out a quick solution that doesn’t actually work.
Remember, the reality you have today is a combination of some factors outside of your control, and some factors within your control, such as your habits, your expectations, your boundaries, and your mindset. Changing these is a process that takes time; but it is possible!
Control the things you can control and let go of the rest.
Meet me back here for Causes of Overwhelm, Part 2: Boundaries.